Do Good Anyway

Mother Teresa's orphanage in Calcutta had a wonderful sign in the lobby for everyone to read.

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you'll win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway. People love underdogs but follow only the top dogs. Follow some underdogs anyway. What you spend your years building may be destroyed over night. Build anyway. People really need help but may attack you if you help them. Help people anyway. Give the world the best that you have and you may get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

Miles Ahead

The common thing that Madison says about "not liking Teacher Tami's class" is that "boys chase me all the time in the gym".

Last week, one of the moms said to me, "You're Madison's mom, right? Does she ever tell you about my son, Daniel, chasing her?"

To which I reply, "Well, she doesn't tell me who chases her but she always tells me that she doesn't like being chased by all the boys...although secretly, I think Madison kinda likes it."

The mom then said, "Well, Daniel, tells me that he chases after Madison but he can never catch her."

I laughed at that...because I have seen her outrun all the kids when they play outside. I have seen 4 boys running after her, and she is always miles ahead of them.

Out and In

Jaclyn was staring at Madison at the dinner table which playfully upset her.
So she said to Jaclyn, "Stop staring at me. That's outappropriate!"

I asked, "What did you say, Madison?"

"Jaclyn is staring at me and that's outappropriate!"

"Oh, you mean, inappropriate, Madison!"

5x7 Folded Card

Bright Merry Cheer Christmas Card

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Moments All Around Christmas Card

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Shared photo book from jaclyn

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Lee Family Reunion in Kelowna

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Madison loves the Canucks

Madison made this 2nd video (after cutting out her face in her 1st). Once again, here she is expressing her love for the Canucks and hockey.

We love you, Canucks!

Big game tonight. Game 6. Canucks could bring home the Stanley Cup tonight...on Michael's birthday. Here's a video that Madison made on her own expressing her feelings about the Canucks. You gotta love the kid!

Remembrance of Auntie V

My first memory of Auntie Vera is not about her coffee chiffons, lazy daisies, lemon chiffons and banana tortes. My first memory is actually of this jet-setting aunt that would fly in and out from Montreal. My mom and I would often pick her up at the airport. She always had style, a fashion icon. It was clear that she liked shopping for the latest style. I remember her wearing these batwing tops (or dolman sleeves) and big junky jewelry. I really thought she was a fashion designer. Before she would fly back to Montreal, she would take my measurements, and then on her next trip to Vancouver, she would bring me these outfits, like this poncho with matching jumper and this muumuu.

Auntie V gave me the name Dee Dee because she thought Deanna was too grown-up for a little girl. And the name stuck. That’s the name that I still go by.

When Yen-Yen died in 1973, Auntie V & Uncle George Wong moved from Montreal to the King Ed house in Vancouver. Auntie Vera took over as the matriarch of Lee family, and worked at Foo Hung. Chrissy came a couple of years later. I remember when Uncle Bill brought this adorable, little girl from Taiwan wearing a blue poncho and these cute red shoes. They had just gotten off the plane and we were the first to meet her.

Our families would see each other often; it seemed like almost everyday when I was growing up. My dad, for years, took Chrissy to school, and my mom would pick her up after school. Then Chrissy would hang out at our house until Auntie V got home from work.

We would often have dinner at the King Ed house, and I remember Auntie V calling out through the kitchen window above the sink. “Ba hec la” or “Pop, Dinner!”

While my mom and Geoff stayed home to prepare for Christmas family dinner, my dad and I would spend Christmas afternoon at the King Ed house. It was a tradition to have Uncle George’s potato pancakes for Christmas brunch.

Auntie V, as you all know, was extremely neat, tidy and clean…so much so, that she would fold the grocery bags just so and put them in the drawer.

Auntie V often would phone us in the evening and tell us to turn on the TV to watch Frank Sinatra or Barbra Streisand or Bob Hope or whatever special was on. (In recent years, she would phone about Dancing with the Stars and American Idol.)

Auntie V was also very persistent. She would call to get us to do something. And then before we could count to 60, she would phone back to make sure we did what she said. And sometimes when it was super important, there would be a 3^rd or 4^th call…all within a span of a couple of minutes.

In today’s times, she might have been labelled “Tiger Mom” but if people got to know her, they would see that she really was a “Paper Tiger”, where in appearance, she seemed very powerful but in reality, she was nothing to be afraid of. She had a big, BIG heart.

When Yeh-Yeh went to the hospital in Dec of 1994, and after his surgery, the doctor told us that Yeh-Yeh didn’t have much longer with us. I remember Auntie Vera was the one that reached out to me and pulled me towards her and gave me a big hug. I’d never received such a deep display of emotion from her. We comforted each other. After that, I would see her through different eyes.

Uncle George Wong passed away in 2003, and Auntie V softened up some more. Chrissy and her relationship would also, over time, change for the better.

Auntie V worked for many years for my dad. She was exceptional at keeping the office in good working order. My dad’s clients would often mistaken her as his wife because of the way she bossed him around. “Jack, put your coat and hat on; Jack, come and eat; Jack do this. Jack do that.” My dad had a wife at home and a wife at the office! Auntie V was always checking up on dad and protecting him.

When my dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2006 and then later with other health issues, I would call Auntie V and just cry. She was a source of strength for me. We talked on the phone quite often during that time and we continued to do so over the years. When my dad, to no fault of his own, stopped going to the office, she continued to work there everyday, fielding calls and slowly shutting down his practice. I don’t know what my family would have done without her. She took such great care of my dad.

Auntie V was not just a mother to Chrissy but to all of us. She was the matriarch of the Lee Clan.. She was our central line of communication – when one of us graduated from school, got engaged, got pregnant, or anything – we went through her, and she would disburse the news. She organized our family dinners at Marco Polo, Foo’s and Brothers Restaurant. She was the glue that kept us together. She united us.

For Auntie V’s whole life, she took care of each and every one of us. The Lee Family is what it is today because of her devotion. My hope is that we, nieces and nephews, continue what she did and keep the family together.

Thank you, Auntie V, so much for modeling to us “family loyalty”. We miss you and love you so so much. I look forward to eating your cookies in heaven. Your World’s Best Cookies will be called Heaven’s Best Cookies.

"Beautiful, so beautiful!"

This is the picture that I gave to Auntie Vera when she was in the hospital. She kept saying "Beautiful, so beautiful". The last coherent words that I heard from her (besides "YES" when I prayed with her).
This was the last picture taken of the Fab Seven. We gathered together to celebrate my dad's 80th birthday on February 19th.

The last days of Auntie Vera

"I can't believe this is happening." Those were the words that Auntie Vera kept on repeating when she was given the news that she would not be going home from the hospital.

Auntie Vera was taken to emergency at VGH on Saturday, May 21st by Uncle Bill, Auntie Mary, & Chrissy. She hadn't been eating well, was tired and her colouring was off. Everyone thought she would just have some routine blood tests to find out what was going on. The doctors knew that something was up with her liver because of her jaundice. She either had an infection, cancer or liver failure. But on Tuesday, we got the worst of the options - liver failure. My mom was in the room when Auntie V was told that she was not going to leave the hospital, and would only have a few days (by a doctor I will nickname Doogie Howser). Time to call the family together.

When my mom called me that day, she couldn't say the words. I said to my mom, "What? Just tell me. Just spit it out." A very emotional phone call. I broke down in tears in front of my little Madison.

Lots of relatives came by the hospital. Auntie Vera seemed in good spirits, talking to people, joking around. I was told that she even commented on Auntie Helen wearing a new jacket. But she also told people that she was not coming out of the hospital and "I can't believe this is happening." That was Wednesday.

I didn't get to the hospital until Thursday around 12:30pm to a waiting room full of relatives getting an update from the doctor. Auntie Vera was diagnosed with auto-immune hepatitis. And Chrissy had to make some big decisions.
I stepped out to see Auntie Vera. She was with cousin Greg, and getting ready to be rolled downstairs for a CT Scan. Greg told her, "DeeDee's here". "Dee Dee!", she said weakly. "Hi Auntie Vera. I have a picture to show you." I gave her a picture from my dad's birthday - the last picture of the 7 siblings. I wished I had gotten it to her earlier. She had been wanting a copy for weeks. She held the picture up with her left hand and kept saying, "Beautiful, so beautiful." Those were the last clear words I heard her say. She loved the picture so much that she wouldn't let go of it.
That was the first time I saw her, and I was saddened by what I saw. Was it not yesterday that everyone was telling me that she was talking to people? I remember I just grabbed Greg's hand as we escorted her to the CT Scan. Tears were welling up.
When Greg and I were with her waiting for the CT Scan, she was uncomfortable with the oxygen tube in her nose. She kept on trying to take it off. I kept on putting it back on. Greg teased her about her hair and other funny things. She seemed to get his jokes, and weakly responded...so there were moments of coherency.
But for the most part, she seemed dazed and confused. She was nothing like the day before as described by my relatives.

I left her with Greg and went back upstairs to get updates from the family and Dr. Henry Fung (a family friend who has given incredible guidance to us in regards to Auntie V's condition). It was too hard for me to see her in that weakened state. Little did I know, that she would slip so fast. It would only get worse. In hindsight, I wish I spent less time listening to the doctor's updates and more time at her bedside when she was somewhat coherent. It would be only a matter of hours before she would be unconscious and not be the Auntie Vera that I knew & loved.

She was moved from the General Surgery on the 9th floor to the Acute Medical Unit on the 10th. They had found dark, coffee-brown coloured blood in her NG tube which came from her stomache. But before she moved to the 10th floor, all of us relatives & friends surrounded her bed to pray for her. There was about 15 of us circled around her bed. Cousin Brian and Auntie Mirian led us in prayer. She still had her signature big glasses on, and her diamond ring (although her diamond studs were removed for her head CT). She even had nicely manicured nails (fingers and toes) in pearly gray nail polish. She always had style.

Shortly after our circle of prayer (and I don't remember at what point), I had a rare moment alone with her. Rare because there were so many relatives visiting her. I don't even know how I had that opportunity with her. I can't recall why I was in the room with her at that time. Where was everyone else? I asked her if she would like Jesus in her heart and the assurances of Heaven. I needed to be deliberate - maybe it was for my own peace of mind - but there was no time to waste. I thought that she replied "No thank you" but I wasn't sure. She was pretty incoherent at that time. But she also had an NG tube which might have caused her some discomfort. Anyways, she kept on repeating to me whatever she was trying to say. I wish I knew what it was. So I just said, "Auntie V, I am going to pray for you. And you don't have to repeat after me but say YES, when I ask." So I prayed the salvation prayer and after each line, I would ask, "YES?" And Auntie V would say "YES".

Then everyone started coming back, and I whispered in her ear before she was moved to the 10th floor, "remember our prayer, Auntie V".

That was the last time I saw her somewhat conscious.

Geoff, Michael, Jaclyn, my dad and I went back to the hospital after dinner. Auntie V was "sleeping" already at that point and her breathing was laboured and heavy.
Michael and I decided to take Jaclyn as she (and Madison) had been crying during the day asking to see Auntie V. We tried to prepare her but she was scared nonetheless. Auntie V had an NG tube and IV tubes going into her and she was not awake. Jaclyn wouldn't go to her bedside and just hid her head in Michael's chest.
My dad went up to her and said, "Vera, VERA, it's me Jack. I am here." Then he just sat by her bed and told us not to wake her up.
When we left the hospital, my dad said, "I want to see Vera everyday."

Later that night, she was moved to ICU on the 2nd floor, unconscious and put on a respirator. Bed 21 by the window.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday...all seemed to run together. So many family members in and out of the waiting room. Waiting. Waiting. Everyone waiting. Waiting for news. Waiting for hope. Waiting for a miracle.

On Friday night, Madison sobbed profusely telling me that it was not fair that Jaclyn and all the Lee Family got to see Auntie Vera, and that she misses & loves her. "I don't want her to die because Uncle George died", she told me. I felt her pain and sorrow. I didn't know that she would understand so much at the age of 4. She and Auntie V had a special connection. They really loved each other. Madison was the only one that called her Auntie Vera (when everyone else called her Auntie V). Madison always gave Auntie V a big hug. I wish that I had taken her to the hospital but she had a cough and she's so young. But it was too late; Auntie V was already on a respirator in ICU; and I definitely didn't want Madison to see Auntie V like that. She was beyond recognition. Tubes everywhere, bruises on her arm, and she was bloated from all the fluids they were pumping into her.

My dad, who's short-term memory is sketchy these days, seemed to know that something was wrong with Auntie V. One time when I updated him, he said sadly, "Ohhhhh...she took such good care of all of us". Dad would ask me everytime I walked by him how she was, whether she was conscious, whether she was still sleeping. And everytime, it would break my heart to have to tell him the sad news. It's almost like Groundhog Day - having to relive and re-feel the bad news I had to deliver each time he would ask. At one time, I asked him, "Do you really want to know?" And he said, "Yes, I should know what's going on." He wouldn't cry but he looked so sad, staring up at the ceiling, staring into space, reflecting on his older sister & her situation. I could see the pain and sadness in his eyes.

I didn't take dad to the hospital on Friday. I wasn't sure if he would want to see her in ICU with tubes all over the place. But I went back to the hospital quite often. Had time with Auntie V with cousin Leslie. Later on in the day, there was a meeting with the ICU doctor and Nurse Ghazaleh. The medical team was so informative and so caring. Michael was there to explain things to us in more laymen terms.

Michael and I went back to the hospital at 10pm. We weren't expecting anyone there but if so, we heard from Uncle Bill that Ron was the last one there as Uncle Bill had taken Chrissy to Auntie V's condo to get some sleep. We were surprised to see Chrissy in the waiting room with her friend, Judith. So we just lounged with them in the waiting room until almost 3am when we took them to Auntie V's to sleep. We talked about Mexico, laughed about my granny underwear and then shared deeper things about what's going on with Auntie Vera, the choices that Chrissy had to make, etc. Hard questions with no answers or decisions that only Chrissy could make. Things were said that night that most people would just think about but wouldn't dare say out loud. We talked about those hard things without filters.

Saturday: morning prayer meeting at Uncle Bill's. More hospital visits. Geoff, mom and I took dad to the hospital after we had lunch. When I took dad into the ICU, he didn't recognize her. He looked at me and said, "This is Vera?!!" Then he went right up to her and spoke clearly & loudly, "Vera, VERA. It's me, Jack. I am here." And when there was no response, he quietly said to her, "It's okay...just rest." And then he just sat by her bed and watched her. After a few moments, I said, "Okay, dad, let's go. Do you want to go or wait here?" He wanted to wait by his sister's bedside. So I left him to be alone with her.
(Michael had taken the girls out for the day and then to a sleepover at a friend's house so that mom, dad, Geoff and I could spend time together and with Auntie V.)

Sunday: Tenth Ave Alliance with Geoff. I couldn't sing one song. All the words wanted to make me cry. Every word was true and deeply, deeply felt, that God is faithful. Afterwards, we hung out at Granville Island for coffee and ham & cheese sandwich. Just me and him. I hadn't spent quality with Geoff in years because of the kids. We just sat on a bench overlooking False Creek, enjoyed the sunshine, watched the water taxis & kayakers, and talked about Auntie V, and our wishes should we be in the similar situation as her.
Geoff and I went back to the hospital. Hung out with Chrissy who was alone at the time. She told us that Auntie Vera had been moved to a private ICU room. Bed 26 by the window. She always loved rooms with a view...just like her penthouse.
She was continuing to decline and had less than 24 hours to live.
Geoff and I said our goodbyes to her.
(In the afternoon, I took a break by going to Kung Fu Panda 2 with Michael, Jaclyn and Madison and friends. It was nice to escape and not have to feel the sorrow for just a couple of hours.)

Monday: I wasn't planning to visit her today. I had said my goodbyes yesterday with my brother. But I couldn't stay away. The family was called for a meeting with the ICU doctor at 12:30pm. Uncle Bob, Auntie Lil, Uncle Bill, Auntie Mirian, Auntie Maye, Auntie Mary, Peter, Michael, Ron, Chrissy and I were there. Henry Fung as well. The medical team had done all that they could do for Auntie V. Not only was her liver not functioning, but her kidneys as well. Time to let her go. The news was not a surprise but sad nonetheless. Any little glimmers of hope we had was stripped away at that meeting.

One of the last things said in our family gathering was by Uncle Bill. He comforted us by saying that Auntie Vera had faith in Christ and to keep her going (on the ventilator) would only be for us because we want to spend more time with her, we want her to be alive and to still be with us. Auntie Maye had said the other day, "She is not in pain but we are." Yes, we are in pain. Deep, deep pain.

After all the other relatives had gone to visit her (in groups of 4), Michael and I went in. We had to put on a gown and wear gloves as Auntie V had caught an MRSA infection. This would be the last time I would see her. I felt at peace knowing that she was going to be with the Lord and with the two Georges, Yeh-Yeh, Yen-Yen and Steffie. She put up a good fight but it was time for her to go. Chrissy and Ron came in shortly after. We laughed about her baking us lots of cookies in Heaven. When Michael and I left the room just before 2pm, I had to take one last look and saw Ron & Chrissy looking so sad but at peace - it was a bittersweet moment. The look of love they had towards Auntie Vera was a tender sight that will be etched in my memory forever.

Auntie V passed away around 3:20pm on Memorial Day, May 30, 2011, 5 minutes after they took her off the respirator.

When we got back home to Kirkland, I told the girls that Auntie Vera died. Jaclyn screamed, "Who told you?" I said that Auntie Debbie told me. Jaclyn replied, "NOOOOOOOOOO...what if she's wrong? She's wrong. I want her to be wrong!"

The ache in my heart is sometimes unbearable. Auntie Vera was close to me - to all of us in the Lee Family - like a mother. Even before my grandfather passed away in 1994, Auntie V was the glue that held us together. She united the Lee Family. She was the matriarch of the Lee Clan. Every single family member, without one doubt, had a unique closeness to her that was different than with any other relative. For her whole life, she deeply and unconditionally loved each and every one of us. While she may not have expressed that love in words, her actions spoke loud & clear. Just like my dad said, "She took such good care of ALL of us".

My Uncle George

This picture was taken at my dad's 80th birthday party on February 19, 2011. This was the last time I saw my Uncle George.
Oh, how I wish you were still here, Uncle George. I miss you so much. You were such a genuine person and so easy to talk to. I cry often because I miss you. But I take comfort in knowing that you are no longer in pain. Rest in peace. You will always be my "groovy uncle".

My Uncle George

My last lunch date with my Uncle George. Oct.3/10

Uncle George

On May 6th just after midnight, my dad's brother, my Uncle George, passed away at the age of 75. He had been sick for a couple of years with some weird, undiagnosed blood disorder, something called myelodysplasia syndrome. He had to have regular blood transfusions and had lost a lot of weight over the past year.

I have been so sad today...sad that I wasn't in Vancouver to say goodbye to him one last time in the hospital, sad because, I will simply miss him.

He took a genuine interest in me, as I am sure he did with the other 18 nieces and nephews. But I really felt like he wanted to know ME. He asked a lot of thoughtful questions and had a view of the world which was different than my other aunts and uncles. He just seemed more open, more liberal, more adventurous and more "hip". He had contemporary and modern tastes. He was called "the groovy uncle" when I was growing up.

He used to always say to me, "Where's mine?" at family dinners.

We both had a sense of adventure. We both loved scuba diving and he had great stories of his diving adventures. He loved the ocean, boating, fishing and water skiing (another sport passion we had in common). Uncle George taught most of the older nieces & nephews (including my brother) how to waterski and how to fish (or as my brother said, "how not to fish") on the annual Lee family summer trips to Pender Harbour.

My Uncle George and Auntie Rhoda took me to Tofino when I was really young...maybe when I was only 7 or 8...and I got to experience nature with them. Tofino is a beautiful beach town on the westcoast of Vancouver Island, a place my parents would never have taken me to because they aren't the nature type.

He loved the mountains and skiing. He and my aunt took me skiing when I was in high school.

Uncle George also gave cool presents. One year, he gave me a yellow budgie bird.

He loved to BBQ on his Weber; he made an awesome BBQ turkey; BBQ anything, really.

He loved to travel and learning about different cultures. You can tell by his circle of friends. Where most people would follow "birds of a feather flock together", he had friends from all walks of life. Friends of different colour, race, religion, socio-economic class, education. He could find something in common with them all. He appreciated a good education and encouraged us to study abroad so that we wouldn't have a limited view of of the world. Perhaps my sense of adventure and my love for travel came from Uncle George. (I know it didn't come from my dad because my dad enjoys the security of familiarity.) Yes, that is what Uncle George and I had in common. We loved adventure and experiencing "the world out there".

Uncle George had an eye for fashion and had great taste in clothes for my aunt (my husband could have learned a few fashion tips from him). He had style! He loved beautiful things, not in a materialistic way, but more about having an appreciation for fine art, craftsmanship and design.

Uncle George and Auntie Rhoda were also incredibly supportive in whatever my endeavours were...even at my young age when I was fundraising for school or for some other cause. They bought my raffle tickets, Christmas trees, chickens, oranges, Entertainment books, Easter lillies, jewelry...whatever I was selling or promoting, they would support me.

Uncle George was a great storyteller or shall I say, a great salesman? Once you got him started on something he was passionate about, you couldn't get him to stop talking. He was full of passion.
He wasn't afraid to call a spade, a spade, even when other people saw differently. There was no pretense about him.

Uncle George and I had lunch together every so often in Gastown, just me and him. I remember I could tell him anything (or at least, he used to say that I could tell him anything). I told him a lot of secrets that a person wouldn't normally tell a relative, let alone an older one. And he just listened. I even remember this one time, I was so looking forward to lunch with him, that I forewent freezing for a cavity filling...I wanted to be able to talk to him normally without a frozen mouth.
I remember one lunch, in particular, sharing a deep, dark secret. Wow. That was bold of me. But that was who Uncle George was...someone you can be ballsy with, and not feel judged. I didn't have to proper with him because he was about being real and keeping it real.

Uncle George was definitely someone who lived life to the fullest. When most people would just think or dream about doing something, Uncle George just did it.

I can't believe he's gone. I wish he was still here. But he was in a lot of pain. I take some comfort in knowing that he doesn't have to suffer anymore. But I still miss him all the same and wish that I had one last moment with him.

Madison kept saying, "But I loved Uncle Dorge. I called him Uncle Dorge but he is Uncle George, right mamma? It's so sad. I will miss him and I wish he was still alive." Madison just loved Uncle George. Loved, loved, LOVED. Even though she didn't see him much, she just had so much fun with him.

Today after Jaclyn's busy day was over, and in the quiet of the night, Jaclyn sobbed so hard and for a long time. She felt so bad that she wasn't in Vancouver to say goodbye and wished that she had seen Uncle George more often. She thought Uncle George was "so fun". She asked if Uncle George would miss us (as we do him) and if he would pray for us from Heaven. When I told her that I was happy that Uncle George wasn't in pain anymore, she asked if I was more happy than sad or more sad than happy. I simply had to answer, "more sad right now but in a couple of days, I will be more happy because I know that he isn't suffering anymore".

Goodbye, Uncle George. Thank you for taking a genuine interest in us. We love you. I saw a rainbow and thought of you.